Dir: David Schmoeller
Star: Klaus Kinski, Talia Balsam, Barbara Whinnery, Kenneth Robert Shippy

“We were doing this one scene in the crawlspace–so it was uncomfortable for everyone. I asked for a second take and Klaus shot out like a bullet, running toward me–as if he were going to attack me. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, ‘I am not a hamburger! I am Klaus Kinski!’ ”
— David Schmoeller

The first time I was aware of this film was not through the movie itself, but through the short created by writer-director Schmoeller 13 years later. Entitled Please Kill Mr. Kinski, which showed up on, of all things, a DVD collection put out by Troma. That’ll be covered elsewhere on the site, but in brief, it details the hellish experience the director had, working with Kinski during the shooting of Crawlspace in Rome. When I eventually saw the film, I must confess to being somewhat disappointed. Not, I should stress, in Kinski, who gives one of his more impressive English-language performances. But the whole idea of a mad doctor scuttling around inside the walls of his apartment complex, spying on and murdering his tenants, is a pretty ludicrous concept.

That barely scratches the surface of the madness which is Dr. Karl Gunther (Kinski), the son of a Nazi war criminal who escaped Germany and hid out in Argentina. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, with Gunther Jr. euthanizing patients at his hospital, and graduating from there to full-fledged murder. When the heat grew too much in Buenos Aires, he headed for America, and sets up as a landlord – catering to pretty young female tenants in particular [Schmoeller makes a cameo near the beginning, as a prospective tenant who fails all of the good Doctor’s criteria] But it’s not long before he’s keeping a woman (Tane McClure, Doug’s daughter) in a cage, having removed her tongue. After every murder, he plays Russian roulette, greeting his survival with a muttered, “So be it…” Then there’s watching films of Hitler, while smearing make-up on his face and yelling “Heil Gunther!” It’s almost as if the writer started with a list of “Ways to make your character seem insane,” and included them all.

This makes some sense, with a bit of background. Schmoeller’s script was written on request by Empire’s Charles Band, who wanted a script which could be used with a set that was already built for another shoot. The original version perhaps made somewhat more sense, as the central character there was a Vietnam vet, who returned from his experiences mentally broken. He recreated his POW camp in the attic, and used bamboo traps to ensnare his victims. However, Band nixed the idea, suggesting the lead be made a Nazi, and that he could get Kinski for the role. Schmoeller agreed, and rewrote the role specifically for him. And, I have to say, it fits Klaus like a glove. You just can’t imagine anyone else playing the part. Every twitch, gaze and mannerism is Kinski being Kinski. Of course, that might largely be down to Schmoeller’s on-set problems: he said, “I would go to work every morning with my stomach in a knot.” So, how do you direct, that which will not be directed?

One imagines, probably by standing back and getting out of the way, once other possibilities e.g. murder, have been exhausted. That’s largely what happens to the storyline as well: it stands back and gets out of the way of Kinski’s performance. The basics are established quickly i.e. Gunther is a loony, and there’s a new tenant, Lori (Balsam) after the previous occupant makes the mistake of going into the attic. I had to smile at this exchange, Schmoeller clearly riffing off one of Klaus’s most iconic performances:

Loril: I swear, the guy across the hall was a vampire. You know what I like most about this place?
Gunther: That there are no vampires?

Once the basics are established, not much actually happens, until the final 20 minutes. There’s a faux-rapist – ah, those wacky eighties! – and the brother (Shippy) of one of Gunther’s Argentinian victims shows up, creeps Lori out by knowing way too much about her. Gunther almost carries out a plan to execute him with a poisoned blowdart (because there is no better weapon to lug around a crawlspace than a blow-gun…), before opting for a more painful method of dispatch. That’s about it in terms of story arc, with the rest of the running time largely occupied by Kinski acting increasingly deranged. He finally topples over the edge, leaving Lori trapped in the house and the subject of an extended stalk ‘n’ slash sequence, as she crawls through the ducts and around the building, pursued by her landlord. The highlight here is probably when he gets on a wheeled dolly and starts whizzing round the ducts like a crazed street luger.

However, it is never anything less than thoroughly watchable, and it’s entirely down to Klaus. Without him, it’s difficult to see how this could ever sustain a viewer’s interest, though the Vietnam riff originally planned, might have gone in some interesting directions. Say what you like about Kinski – and Schmoeller certainly has over the years since – there’s no doubt that he could be utterly compelling. This is an excellent example of mediocre material being elevated by his presence, and after a spell of these review where he was an ancillary character, getting limited screen time, it was nice to get back to a movie where he’s front and center.  He certainly delivers – the US trailer below gives a good idea of what you can expect.